Play With the Dow

As of this afternoon, the Dow is at a five-year low. And it makes me mad. But it’s not because, like every other American, my portfolio has lost even more weight. You see, I have no portfolio to lose. I’m angry because I don’t have the money to buy stock at a time like this.

I shop at the dollar store- I know how good it feels to buy up something when it’s inexpensive. You get the satisfaction of shopper’s high while knowing you didn’t drain your child’s college tuition. With stock at a five-year low, I see it as a bargain rather than a tragedy.

To make myself feel better, I joined a virtual trading game. You can find many sites that do this- simply google around. Suddenly, I have $100,000 at my disposal. I haven’t weathered the stock market like this since a similar game in high school, but I didn’t understand it then. I’m like a kid in a candy store.

So what did I buy? I hadn’t really thought that far ahead when I joined. But I’m a Verizon customer, and they’re releasing the Blackberry Storm on Friday. I expect to see a jump. (Incidentally, a new Verizon store popped up this week a block from my job. I’ll bet they’re open come Friday morning.)

I also bought Apple stock. Black Friday is coming up and I anticipate a big sell on the new iPod Touch, as well as all iPod accessories. Apple is sure winning the MP3 game.

My final purchase was Amazon.com. I’m betting even more people will be buying online this year, and Amazon is the premier place to go. Plus, they have that gorgeous Kindle I’ve been eyeing- and that’s an Amazon product.

We’ll see how this all plays out. I think of it as a test drive in stock-market land. But I’ll still probably end up angry when I make my first virtual million and can’t cash it in.

Downsize Your Cell Phone Plan

For those of us who bargain shop and threaten our cable providers with cancelations, there is a bright spot in the world of the cell-phone-plan debacle. 

Billshrink.com will calculate your yearly savings if you were to switch providers. By simply inputting your current bill amount, usage and preferences (texting, where you talk), billshrink will automatically tell you which provider is best for your needs:

• Can you hear me now? Billshrink will even tell you the signal strength near your work and home for the various providers and plans.

•  Want the newest gadget? Billshrink will compare your phone (or the one you’ve been eyeing) to others and tell you which plan is the best for your new toy.

• Not ready to make the switch? Don’t worry. Billshrink will monitor your info and let you know when there’s a new deal on the market.

Sometimes, you’ll find that you’re on the best plan you can get. But even those of you who are as frugal as can be will find Billshrink helpful: they also have a credit card feature. Just plug in your current credit card info and see if you can get a better offer.

Christmas Gets Crafty

The closer the holidays get, the more dismal my bank account looks. The economy is in an uproar, and while you may be able to squeeze out a good deal because of it, is it really worth waiting in line at 4am on Black Friday? One of the best ways you can save some cash is to make presents yourself. Bonus: you’ll look really talented to your friends and family.

The easiest way to start is by looking through your junk drawers to find out what you have on hand. Finger paints from your protesting days? Yards of fabric from making pillows? Ribbon, thread, yarn? Most of us have these things lying around in a closet somewhere.

Next, hit up your local craft store. Be careful to stick to your list; these places are known for sucking you into project after project after project….that you’ll never finish. Here are a few ideas to get you started:

* Knitting, crocheting, simple sewing: a hand-made scarf will go far in the winter months, and your loved ones will be wonderfully reminded of you each day. Similarly, a couple of toss pillows or cool window treatments for your decorator-challenged friend will go far.

*Handwriting: if you’ve ever wanted to try your hand at calligraphy, this is the perfect time of year. Most stores will have a set or two to choose from, complete with instruction booklet. Try some hand-made stationary for your co-workers or emboss a scrapbook for your Aunt.

*Wall Art: how many times have you seen a piece of art and said, ‘I could do THAT!’ (and sell it for $500)? Now is your chance. Pick up some paints or other materials, and buy a couple of cheap gallery frames to make ‘em look all fancy.

If you have kids, make sure to get them involved. They’ll have a blast and grandma will have a keepsake to treasure. Lopsidedness and all.

Baby Goes to the Polls

Onesie from Old Navy: $5

Black Sharpie: $0

Time: 10 minutes

A 6-month-old future politician: PRICELESS

Not-So-Digital Revolution

I was sick over the weekend, which managed to save me a fortune on Halloween partying. It was perfect timing, since I somehow still spent $70 to give myself “free” television….that doesn’t work.

We left our precious cable company long ago when we decided we did not like paying $60 a month for the extra three channels we watched. At first, not tivo-ing the Bravo network 24/7 tore a small hole in my heart. But eventually I got over it, and since I have a child, I seem to have no time for television anyway.

We’ve been using the $5 bunny ears on my $500 TV for about 6 months. Although fuzzy at times, I could still see and hear perfectly well some of my favorite prime-time shows. That is, until we decided to make the digital switch.

On the off chance that you live in a cave, the government is mandating digital television by February 17, 2009. The ominious countdown clock feels closer to D-Day than a switch to digital programming. But in any case, it requires some special equipment.

I acquired the necessary government coupons in order to save me $80 on the converter boxes. I had myself fooled into thinking that this would make the boxes virtually free. HA! Not only were they each an extra $20, but I had to get a second set of antenna for the bedroom TV. $68 later, I walked out the door, only slightly disgruntled for the promise of clear, static-free television.

They were partially right, I’ll give them that. We no longer get static. Instead, we get digital scramble, where we can neither see nor hear ANYTHING! And the antenna we needed? It has to go back, because it doesn’t receive power. I call bulls**t.

Needless to say, after a day and a half in bed with only one channel coming in, I switched to my laptop and DVDs of Arrested Development. I can only say how grateful I am that the digital revolution has not yet begun. For now, we’ve gone back to the $5 antenna and fuzzy screen. But at least I get NBC.